


What A Way with Words

by The_Wordsdealer



Series: Plot Bunnies [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bottom Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26987389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Wordsdealer/pseuds/The_Wordsdealer
Summary: Two Alphas Taeyong and Jaehyun spend the former's rut together for the first time.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: Plot Bunnies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947571
Comments: 7
Kudos: 128





	What A Way with Words

Taeyong stares at the ceiling, feeling like he's being burnt alive, bottle of lube carelessly scattered on the bed. Taeyong loathes rut to the bone. He gets rude and loud and impatient. He's angry at anything and everything and even more so at the presences of other Alphas. He's at the mercy of his instinct, unable to think of anything but dominate, subjugate, mark, breed, breed, and breed - an absolute mad dog. He begrudgingly loathes every part of it. 

  
Taeyong has taken his dose of suppressant and masturbated. However, for God-knows-what reason, his rut is still in full swing. He still sweats like crazy and most painfully, heats up even more than before. He submerged himself in an ice bath just a few minutes earlier but nothing is alleviated. He wants to bite and scratch himself, maybe smash his head against the wall - anything to get away from the continuous spasm from within. 

  
Should Taeyong call Jaehyun and beg him to come down to the 5th floor? His instinct growls at the thought of imploring someone, let alone another Alpha, especially since he had a fight with said Alpha a few months ago about this very rut. They had been together for a little over a year at the time so the topic was inevitably brought up. Jaehyun was adamant about spending Taeyong's rut together this year while Taeyong was also adamant about spending it on his own. They fought. Eventually, their doctor - hired by SM to take care of them exclusively when they started their relationship, settled the fight by taking Taeyong's side. 

  
They ignored each other for a few days and haven't brought the topic up again since. That's why Taeyong's spending his rut alone with his new suppressant - a newly prescribed one, stronger than his old since he's now sexually active, and suffering. It's not like he can just call Jaehyun. Beside the fight, only Taeyong's schedule got cleared for the rut. The younger maybe in the midst of something else right now. It must be the new suppressant, Taeyong thinks, he's spent his rut alone ever since his first and nothing happens until now. Luckily, he still keeps some old tablets in his bedside drawer. He downs it and tries again, hoping for miracle this time. 

  
If he's either still single or gets with an Omega, none of this would happen. But in the here and now, he falls for an Alpha and overestimates his own ability to ride out the rut alone. Were Jaehyun to be an Omega, Taeyong wouldn't have hesitated spending his rut with the other man. Rut is intense. For both parties involved. It can be too much even for an Omega's body, let alone an Alpha. He's afraid of how much he would hurt the younger. Yes, there's no sugarcoating this. It's inevitable that he will hurt Jaehyun, the question is just how much. In rut, he's incapable of caring about anything but breeding. Those in combination with how close his rut is to their comeback, he refuses to risk it.

  
Taeyong wakes up. It's been two hours. He doesn't realize that he fell asleep. Or blacked out. And he feels much, much worse now. He's burning inside out and at the same time, in the midst of a fire. And run over by a truck. Instinct be damned. He grabs the phone and dials Jaehyun's number. Luckily for him, the younger picks up after the first ring. 

  
"I need you," he says hoarsely. 

  
"Okay. I'm coming down," comes the reply. 

  
Well, that's quick. Taeyong expected "I told you so", tons of snarky and passive-aggressive comments, and more defiance from his boyfriend. Suddenly pumped with energy which he doesn't know where it comes from, Taeyong springs up and walks to his closet. He quickly gathers all the big towels then puts them on a chair and pulls it towards the end of his bed. He checks his stock of wet wipes and sanitary gel, which to his relief, are fully-stocked. He prefers proper wet cotton-made towels and soap but in the haze of rut, wet wipes and sanitary gel must do. He brings the lube bottle back to the nightstand and spreads a clean towel on his bed before lying down again. 

  
Suffering the bubbling of his own blood for 10 more minutes, Taeyong hears a beep and the sound of the door opening and closing. He inhales the familiar scent of Jaehyun - a hint of arousal mixed with desperation and longing. The sound of the younger's footsteps gradually grow louder with the beating of Taeyong's heart and soon enough, the door to his room swings open. Jaehyun steps in, carrying a fresh mattress sheet and a bottle of lube. A click, something's settled on the nightstand.

  
"I told the others not to come back until ..." Jaehyun's sentence is cut short as Taeyong reaches out and pulls both the younger's sweats and boxers down. It takes a beat for Taeyong to realize what he's doing. He blushes madly and lets go right away. 

  
"I hate rut." Taeyong says as he plops face first into his pillow. He's behaving worse than a virgin horny teen boy about to have sex for the first time. "My instinct urges me to just bend you over and plunge right in."

  
Jaehyun chuckles in response. "At least let me suck you off first, old man." 

  
If Taeyong had dog's ears, they would peak up. He is yanked out of his embarrassment and sits right back up, starting to take off his clothes. The clean sheet settles upon the heap of towels on the chair at the end of Taeyong's bed while his and Jaehyun's clothes are strewn across the floor. It takes no time for Jaehyun to climb onto bed and put his mouth around Taeyong's cock, taking care of his primal anguish. Like air of the early morning. Like wind on an autumn afternoon. Relief washes over him and he laces his fingers into Jaehyun's hair and buckles into the younger's mouth, moaning loudly. The younger takes the hint and bobs his head to match Taeyong's rhythm. 

  
Taeyong soon pushes Jaehyun to kneel up on bed, smooths a hand over the younger's neck, and lets himself be taken in again. Not long after, he holds Jaehyun's head still and continues to press in until he hits the back of his throat. Another press and he passes it. A few more and he starts to thoroughly fuck the younger's mouth. What Taeyong feels now isn't mere physical pleasure as he watches Jaehyun closing his eyes and letting him do this. An Omega would have no choice but submit to Taeyong's rut pheromone. But an Alpha like Jaehyun, who has everything in his power to not to, is submitting. Willingly. He wipes the tears off the younger's cheek as his thrusts quicken, turning more and more erratic as he comes, growling. 

  
Taeyong takes a digit and smooths the come at the corner of Jaehyun's mouth along his raw red lips. The younger licks his finger off and looks at him, teary eyes wide and dark with equal parts lust and please, his own cock hard and leaking. Taeyong can't help but tuck Jaehyun up to the top of the bed and kisses him. All teeth and tongues, hands frenziedly reaching for each other's bodies. Without hesitation or consideration for anything else in the world, Taeyong yanks Jaehyun's head back and buries into the younger's neck. He takes a deep inhale of the scent, licking, sucking, bruising, scenting Jaehyun. His free hand roams all over the younger's body, down his neck and chest and stomach and back. He's been deprived of this for so long that at first, it hurts. The pleasure hurts. Getting thrown between two continents and comebacks after comebacks, he now knows what it feels like to crave for something to the point of explosion. 

  
"Wouldn't you say I'm better than any Omegas you've laid your hands on?" Taeyong hears Jaehyun's ask as the younger licks and bites his earlobe and his eyes flutter open for a second before he goes back to nuzzling the younger's neck. 

  
"Wouldn't know. Since you're my first love." Taeyong smiles and kisses the younger's crook endearingly and finds Jaehyun's hand. "Probably would never know." Another kiss on the collar bone. "Don't want to." He brings Jaehyun's hand to his mouth and kisses the knuckle of his ring finger "Ever." And another on the palm. 

  
"Ruined you for any other Omegas, hmm?" He can feel Jaehyun's smirk. 

  
Taeyong smooths his hand from Jaehyun's nape down his spine and down to ass, feeling the younger shaking slightly. He dips in between the cheeks and presses a finger in, passing the entrance. Jaehyun's wet. He prepared himself. Taeyong's still burning but right now, it's a different kind. He lays the younger on his back and sinks his finger completely as the other man's breath hitches and he clenches. It must be the special lube for this occasion that Jaehyun showed him once. More viscous. He pulls his finger out and reaches for it, pouring a hefty amount on his cock, down to his dwindling knot. 

  
"We're finding out, aren't we?" Taeyong wraps around Jaehyun's cock, gives it a few pumps before lining himself up and pushes in. 

  
Taeyong keeps pushing until he's in all the way and Jaehyun breathes again. He plops down and moans unabashedly loud into the younger's neck, relieved, so tempted to start moving. 

  
"Tighter than any Omegas you'd ever fuck," Taeyong hears the younger say groggily with a little chuckle.

  
Taeyong pushes his knot past the rim just a little in response, earning a ragged moan. After a while, when Jaehyun isn't so tense anymore, he starts thrusting shallowly. He nuzzles contently into the younger's neck, inhaling and scenting. He feels like a happy dog, wagging its tail on top of his boyfriend. He can come like this, knot like this inside of Jaehyun - submerging in the sound of the younger's panting by his ears, the tight heat engulfing his cock, and the scent. It doesn't trigger his primal instinct to dominate, to protect, and to breed. Yet, somehow, it's alluring. Intoxicating, even. There's something about rendering another Alpha to a wrecking mess, begging to be ruined. There's something about indulging in what he's told to never gravitate towards. These never fail to stoke up a peculiar desire within Taeyong. Jaehyun feels good, tight, and right. Made for him to love. To ruin. Yes, he contends, he can come like this. 

  
"I miss you." Taeyong is once again pulled from his trance at the sound of Jaehyun's voice.

  
He kisses the younger on the mouth and replies, "Me too. You can't imagine."

  
Taeyong feels Jaehyun's legs shift, spreading a little wider as the younger cups his face and deepens the kiss. He takes the signal and quickens his thrusts.

  
"Do you know what I do ... when you're ... not around?" The younger continues, sentence cut off by panting.

  
"Hmm, what?" Taeyong kisses down Jaehyun's chest, playing with his nipples. 

  
Taeyong feels his hand got pulled upwards. He looks up as Jaehyun kisses the tips of the fingers. Taeyong shivers. Then it's wet. Jaehyun's swallowed three of his fingers while looking him in the eyes. The rhythm of his hips stutters a little but he quickly regains his composure.

  
"That." Jaehyun releases Taeyong's fingers with a pop. "Wished that ... it was ... your cock."

  
Were Taeyong to be completely honest, if he wasn't obsessed with cleanliness, he would pull out and shove his cock down Jaehyun's throat there and then. Instead, he opts to hook the younger's leg up on his shoulder and thrust deeper, making Jaehyun release a series of stuttering moans. 

  
"Anything else?" Taeyong asks, kissing the younger's calf. 

  
Jaehyun nods and lets out a breathy moan. Taeyong's hand is taken once again and placed on the younger's cock. He squeezes around the forming knot and Jaehyun arches into his thrusts. 

  
"Wished that ... it was your mouth ... your inside."

  
Taeyong strokes Jaehyun's cock. They pant together.

  
"But I bet it's not enough." Taeyong says a while later. 

  
The younger shakes his head.

  
"I reach for the lube." Jaehyun says breathily.

  
"Mm hmm."

  
"Pour it on my hand."

  
"You get on your back?"

  
"No."

  
"No? Then show me how."

  
Taeyong feels a hand on his hip and he stills. After a light push, he pulls out. What comes next makes Taeyong a little dizzy, mouth watering. Jaehyun flips over, pulls himself up on his knees, his head on the pillow. The younger is dripping lube and pre-come. Taeyong thought his heart couldn't possibly beat any faster, yet here it is, beating faster at the sight of Jaehyun's complete submission, placing himself at Taeyong's mercy. The position screams "use me" and he has never failed to obey the younger. 

  
"Breed me, hyung." Jaehyun says breathily.

  
Taeyong doesn't waste a second and plunges back in, Jaehyun lets out a mixture of whimpers and moans. He drapes himself over the younger, a hand steadying his hips and a hand looping around to play with his nipples. 

  
"But it doesn't feel this good, hmm?" Taeyong whispers to Jaehyun's shoulder blade before sucking and biting on the skin there.

  
"Hnnn ... no," Jaehyun pants, "even ... with a dildo ... still wished you were there ... so bad ..." then he practically half-moans half-screams into the pillow as Taeyong picks up the speed again.

  
"I'm flattered." Taeyong says, the hand on Jaehyun's nipples moving down to smooth along the younger's rim. He feels Jaehyun choking a little.

  
"It doesn't have ... your voice ... your warmth ... or dancer's hips." Jaehyun screams and pushes himself up from the pillow as Taeyong drills directly into his prostate, quick and sharp. 

  
Jaehyun's body jerks away, involuntarily, at the sudden spike of pleasure. Taeyong makes sure to hold him still, making him take every. Single. Snap. He then slows down, opting for slow and deep, as he guides the younger's head down to the pillow again by the neck. 

  
"I do that sometimes, too," Taeyong says sweetly, "wishing the hand on my neck pressing down, on my cock, stroking and keeping me from coming, twisting inside me, was yours." He kisses down Jaehyun's spine, feeling his knot swelling. Taeyong lets it catch on the younger's rim whenever he pushes in. 

  
"Yes, hyung. More of that." Taeyong smirks into Jaehyun's shoulder blade as the other eagerly arches into that. By now, he's used to how shameless Jaehyun is when it comes to his own pleasure.

  
"Such a knot slut." Taeyong clicks his tongue and sits back up, giving the younger's bum a spank. "Don't worry. You'll be on my knot all night."

  
Taeyong holds Jaehyun tight and fucks him open with the knot. So pleasurable that he has to grunt out. The occasional clench of the younger around his swelling knot slowly chips away his self-control. He keeps driving and driving into the body beneath him, knot and all. Until Jaehyun's body quivers under the incessant force. Until Jaehyun bites the pillow. Until Jaehyun's knuckles turn white from how hard he grips on the pillow to steady himself from the onslaught. Until Jaehyun's body goes rigid as the younger comes all over the towel beneath. Until Jaehyun convulses from oversensitivity.

  
"Hyung ... no more." Taeyong stops all of the sudden just to have Jaehyun push miserably back on his knot and hiccup. "Don't ..."

  
Taeyong is back draping over the younger. "But I haven't given you the knot," he licks Jaehyun's shoulder blade, "or bred you yet."

  
"I ... I ..." Taeyong smooths his hand over Jaehyun's nape to calm the younger, who is half-heartedly getting away, mostly pushing back, desperately, to get his knot inside. 

  
Taeyong pulls out to the rim just to ram right back in. Again and again. The younger wails but doesn't tell him or make him stop. He licks Jaehyun's shoulder blade some more. When he deems it ready, Taeyong bites down, squeezing Jaehyun's knot and slams his own into the younger. He grinds in and manhandles Jaehyun's hips a little, making sure that when it expands fully inside, it would press down directly on his prostate. 

  
"Argh ... ah ... hyung," Jaehyun cries out and thrashes a little underneath Taeyong, "too much ... it hurts, it hurts." Yet he keeps arching into Taeyong's knot although the man cannot get any deeper. And he keeps clenching, seeking in equal the burn of both pleasure and pain. And he keeps squirming in the other Alpha's hold.

  
Ignoring the pulse of the younger's prostate around his swelling knot. Ignoring the dull pain of being squeezed tight, Taeyong nonchalantly goes back to licking and kissing the newly formed red claim mark on Jaehyun's shoulder blade, where it'd be safely concealed by their performance outfits. His body is acting in a rather different manner, pulling every ounce of remaining strength he has to cage Jaehyun in his hold, preventing the younger from moving in a way that would hurt himself. The younger chokes, moans, curses as Taeyong's knot inflates, assaulted by unbearable pain yet intense pleasure at the same time. For Taeyong, as an Alpha, knotting gives a weird numbing yet all-consuming sensation, with the opposite forces somehow neutralize and aggregate each other at the same time. So acute to the point that his brain is unable to decide on a concrete feeling. Jaehyun certainly likes that more than he does when they tried knotting each other once, just to know what it feels like. It's unnecessary to knot outside of rut or heat anyway.

  
Eventually, Taeyong's knot expands fully. Jaehyun comes a second time, his inside spasms sporadically, clenching evermore tighter, and he cries into the pillow. Taeyong comes, too. He relaxes his hold on the younger and hums into his nape. He waits for Jaehyun to cool down and stops shaking so much. Then he rolls on his side, gently pulls Jaehyun down with him, away from the soiled towel. He hinges on his shoulder and cradles the younger's face towards his own. As he kisses Jaehyun, he thumbs away the tears and rubs soothingly all over the younger's body. Little by little, Jaehyun relaxes against Taeyong's hold and falls fast asleep, exhausted. 

  
***

  
There's hardly any way for Taeyong to go back on his words. He wakes Jaehyun up throughout the night and morning to either fuck and/or knot him in every position possible. He wakes up with a full-body ache. Taeyong loathes rut to the bone. But at least the torment is now over. To his delightful surprise, his rut has broken. He reaches his phone to check the time - a little bit over noon. His rut breaks a full one and a half days earlier than usual. Despite the pain in his muscle, his head is clearer than ever and he feels ... good. Really good. Better than ever. The aftermath of his rut has always been plagued with insufferable headache and uncomfortable sensations, whose origins he just cannot pinpoint. But now, he just feels ... cleansed and relieved.

  
Taeyong takes a look at the man lying next to him and immediately, he is washed over with guilt. He panicks. He guesses that this is the end of them. It's a given that Jaehyun would break up with him the moment he wakes up. Another pang of pain shooting up from his lower back and the growl of his stomach snap Taeyong out of it. He quickly downs painkillers and then carefully stands up, partly to not wake a light-sleeping Jaehyun up, partly not to aggravate his throbbing joints. 

  
Right, showering, cleaning the bed, and cooking. A hot shower is such a God gift, Taeyong thinks, it has never felt this good. Slapping pain-relief gel all over his body along with a clean hoody and pair of sweats and he's good to go. He takes new clothes for Jaehyun as well - those the younger leaves down here, settling them on their clean sheets. Upon seeing the heap of soiled towels and wet wipes on the floor, his face heats up and a shiver runs through him. He quickly gathers them as well as their dirty clothes and throws all in the laundry basket. He quickly glances through his text messages and oh boy, they've piled up. A lot are from their managers, a few from his and Jaehyun's shared doctor, a bombardment from the members. Without a doubt, he will be eaten alive, revived, and then killed again after this. 

  
The sight of Jaehyun, soundly asleep, makes him smile and fills his heart with fluttering flower petals. He prepares painkillers and a glass of water for said man, lacing his hand in the younger's hair and then heads to the kitchen. 

  
***

  
Taeyong's finishing cooking their lunch when the door to his room creaks open. Out comes Jaehyun, wrapped in his blanket with only his eyes peaked out. Taeyong feels that little pop in his heart again.

  
"Hyung, we're taking a break?" Jaehyun asks, groggy and tired.

  
"No, no, no. It's done. My rut's over." Taeyong quickly answers from the kitchen and drops everything to rush to the younger's side.

  
Jaehyun's eyes widen in surprise. "It's only been, what? A day and a half, though."

  
"I know, but it's over. Really." Taeyong answers, a hand propping up the younger's waist to help him get to the bathroom. Jaehyun leans into him gratefully.

  
"Do you feel ...?" Taeyong can smell the slight hesitation off Jaehyun. "... better?"

  
Taeyong chuckles. "I should be the one who asks you that. Are you okay? I know it's too much. I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore ..."

  
"Hyung," Jaehyun whines, "I'm too exhausted to deal with your panic now. Let's do it later."

  
Taeyong shuts up and just leads Jaehyun to the bathroom. Nearly half an hour later, he's summoned to the bathroom again. This time it's to help with the marks on Jaehyun's body. Taeyong feels like crying when he assesses the damage and applies the appropriate cream.

  
"I hate rut." Taeyong cringes at the prints of his own hands littered all over Jaehyun's thighs. He just wants normal sex with his boyfriend, when he's sane and in control and able to pamper, care, make love. "Wait, do you have schedules ...?"

  
Jaehyun shakes his head. "Cleared them. For you. Just in case." He then continues to brush his teeth, calmly. Unbothered by Taeyong's despair. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" Taeyong cries to himself. The traces of where his teeth and fingers have been are all over Jaehyun - chest, stomach, back, neck, wrists. Dear Lord, Jaehyun's neck. He will be boiled alive by their managers and stylists. He whimpers like a kicked puppy as he helps Jaehyun put on a T-shirt and sweatpants.

  
Jaehyun has the audacity to giggle in Taeyong's face. "Do you know how much c...?"

  
"Spread my ash on the Han River. I'd be grateful." Taeyong hides behind Jaehyun's nape.

  
"I wonder how long it'd take for it to close. If it would ..."

  
Taeyong whimpers again and kisses Jaehyun's shoulder blade through the T-shirt, where the claim mark is beneath the fabric. "I'm so so sorry. This is why I didn't want to spend my rut with you." He pouts, leaning his head on Jaehyun's shoulder.

  
Taeyong feels Jaehyun tenses up. The younger has a stern look on his face.

"Let's eat," Jaehyun says.

They get to the kitchen area and eat in silence. They just eat. Non-stop. Rut is an energy killer event. And they've skipped both dinner and breakfast. Taeyong feels grateful and lucky that their fridge was filled with fresh groceries earlier. He wasn't sure how many days they were for as he cooked everything, creating every edible combination possible with the ingredients. Afterwards, they ditch all the dishes in the sink area. They can be taken care of later and go back to the bedroom to snuggle against each other in fresh sheets and blankets, watching some random show on Taeyong's laptop.

  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Taeyong asks softly, kissing the crown of Jaehyun's head, who's lying in his lap.

  
"Mm hmm. How do you think I handle my own rut?" Jaehyun answers nonchalantly. 

  
They continue to watch the show in warmth and silence.

  
"I'm glad," Jaehyun speaks up a while later, "that I broke your rut."

  
"I don't know what'd've happened if you hadn't picked up." Taeyong says.

  
"I was worried," Jaehyun continues, "since we're both Alphas." Taeyong listens intently.

  
"I was worried that," the younger takes a deep breath, "that I won't be enough."

  
Taeyong furrows his brow. "And you may need an Omega for your rut." There's a heaviness to Jaehyun's voice. And now, Taeyong's horrified.

  
"Jaehyunie ..."

  
"I read online. It's not that uncommon. Especially with ... unconventional couples." Like them. Two Alphas.

  
Taeyong doesn't know what to say. He hugs the younger tighter. "I've never ..."

  
"I know. But in rut ... I can't know for sure ... if we're compatible." It's like Jaehyun's trying to hold his tears back. 

  
"Jaehyunie, you don't just ..."

  
"No, hyung, I'm fine, completely. Trust me. Sure, it's more intense than usual but it's okay. Too much pleasure and all." Taeyong feels the younger leaning deeper into his shoulder. 

  
"I was afraid. Because I'm ... selfish. I don't want to share you. But I can't stand watching you in pain during rut either." Jaehyun lets out a bitter laugh. "I know for certain that I'd be okay because I ..." The younger hesitates, "my rut breaks better with a knot. I thought that if it comes to that, if I can't satisfy you in rut, I may kick my pride and ask Doyoung-hyung. Even though I'm sure it'd break me. But that's still better than you loving some other Omega." Taeyong gives a full body shudder at that. Doyoung is his best friend for crying out loud.

  
The younger sighs. "It's comical. Looking back how anxious and guilty I felt over this. Rationally, I know that, the most likely case is that, if we truly love each other, ..."

  
"... we'd come to only desire each other's scent, regardless of rank." Taeyong supplies, feeling even more guilty than before.

  
"Yeah. That's why I didn't bother you with this. Since you're so busy, I'm so busy, and it's just trivial insecurity."

  
Taeyong turns over and kisses Jaehyun deeply. "I only need you." Taeyong says, looking Jaehyun in the eyes. He kisses the younger again.

  
"And I you." Jaehyun says before he yawns, then slips down to the pillow. "Being your boyfriend can be a lonely endeavor at times, Taeyongie." The younger blinks up at him lovingly. "But it's fine. You've always been such a good hyung." Jaehyun closes his eyes. "Wake me up for dinner. Should call the others back as well." 

  
"Will do." Taeyong says, smoothing the younger's nape as he turns into his side.

  
"I hope I don't walk weird for too long."

  
Taeyong manages a laugh. He turns off the laptop and dims the light, stroking Jaehyun's back until the younger's breaths even. He sits in silence, watching the afternoon light dripping through the curtain. He runs the conversation he just had over and over in his head. It's been a long while since they're this vulnerable in front of each other, that Jaehyun lets Taeyong take care of him, that he lets Jaehyun have him whole - as a boyfriend, a long time friend, not leader Taeyong. 

  
Slowly, the guilt in Taeyong is replaced by gratefulness. Taeyong is grateful that he's never pressured to give more than he's capable of giving. He's grateful that the bright-eyed, stubborn boy who said to him that he'd be okay with as many fragments of Taeyong he could have, has stayed true to his words. He's grateful that while everything has been difficult, what they have is, blessedly, easy. 

  
Getting used to each other's absence sometimes breaks people apart in this line of work. Yet. Off Taeyong goes, dividing himself being the leader to an increasing number of members, circling between units, shutting off into his shell and still, when he turns around, Jaehyun is there. A constant to his always-moving existence. Like the younger has always has been since their trainee days when Taeyong was a closed-off, insecure dick because he felt the constant urge to compensate for not being "alpha enough"; since their debut days, when all of them had to adjust to a more hectic schedule and more demanding expectations; since the years afterwards when Jaehyun had to reconcile with the fact that he can no longer have Taeyong for himself like before. Taeyong never has to miss, to long for. He fears to have Jaehyun but never fears of losing him. 

  
As if air was squeezed out of him, Taeyong suddenly feels hard to breathe. At last, the starvation of touch and intimacy along with the pleasure of relief is making a recoil. For the first time. He lies down and circles his arms around the sleeping man, pressing kisses on the younger's hair, ear, cheek, neck. He's grateful to have Jaehyun. For them to have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't be shy, leave a comment.


End file.
